Contemplation Glints

A Weakness

2012-01-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

He did not pass a glance

when he arrived,

with a body

and a beating heart.

I saw him

shaking hands,

and opening his mouth

to laugh that laugh.

From afar

he saw my back.

He came around with an empty glass,

softly sighed,

made me cognizant

of the controlled movements

of my own chest.

I poured some wine,

to raise the fire

in my mind.

It led us out

of the masquerade,

and for a while

he followed the trail

of some star

in his head.

When the distance of the star

became excruciating,

he came closer

to me.

He spoke

in a language I did not understand.

With every pensive look

he committed,

my skin slightly jumped

and danced.

There was gloom in his stories

and life in his eyes.

We wove

a memory,

and shared

a smile.

But

we ran out of the pleasant

too soon.

His hands were clean,

and face flawless.

But

there was

a button less

on his fancy coat,

inefficiently masked

like the clique

we had run away from.

It was such

a tragic mask,

I feared

it might have no color.

That it might be

as pure

as white.

The wind turned West.

Under the plastic tree,

he clicked his tongue

and I shook my head.

We concurred

on a change of scene.

He saw

right through me

when he shut the door.

That there was

an inferno

scampering down my arms

even in my stillness

and especially

in the insincere censure,

moist greet

on my lips

that I was keeping warm

for words not to be said.

Instead

I let

his fingers say phrases

on my neck.

Then he moved the air

And the air moved me.

The boy in the orange shirt.

2011-08-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

-Thursday Night, Acrylic on canvas, by Neethi

“Get fucked or rape yourself. Now you have my favorite shirt.”

It is the third day today. I know it because I had slept three whole nights (most part of the days too) characterized by unnerving fear attacks which pulsed an intense reflex of peeing each time the rainy wind blew over my face from the open slide window, cascading my dreams with unpleasant nuggets of reality.

Yes, right now, every book I touch seems like a Hitchcock movie.

Right now, even perforated salty biscuits taste tasty.

And now, I find myself on the outside of this world. In another, that can be explained best as inexplicable.

Now, I rephrase the aforementioned as being beyond the world.

The rain just won’t wash itself off, and when you desperately want to be bright and sunshiny, a day like this can put any zombie specimen off. With the zombie-thought raining on my parade, I take out Camus and sip 7-Up as if it is tea- with the icy-hot treatment. I see one too many words and realize I am still squinting. I bury my face in the damask-flock printed cushion and think about the graveyard on which this building was built. I laugh a half-ridiculous laugh, sincerely.

All this seems vaguely familiar. I had passed the same series of events yesterday, except that someone did bring a hot glass of tea for me. I remember yelling at some motherfucker for being loud. Maybe the nice tea-guy. But I swear each word played three rounds of squash on my eardrums. I had passed out again before I had a real shot at the tea. Damn. No tea today.

The rain stops. A gloom fills my hollow insides, and I scratch my head to recall whose mother had died. Failing, I put on a shirt and decide to take a walk to the grocery store. Why so morbid, the luggage counter fellow seems to probe. I float in the tide of washing powder packets. It reminds me of my stinking pants from the day before and I recoil. Some vomit, a lot of beer. I drop three packets into my cart for the flowery redemption my linens deserved. Even the cashier throws an understanding nod. I flip at the sight of Ferrero Rochers lined besides the counter. This is not so bad, I think as my teeth take a dig. Not bad at all.

Yesterday had not been good.

Yesterday –

my head stood peculiarly on my neck. It wasn’t the mirror, no. But I had an aerial view of my body from quite a distance up and my feet seemed oceans away. I wanted my head to stop bobbing physically. What was with the corkscrew motion? If I had another head to see my head, I would have LMFAO!

I pinched myself and didn’t feel a thing. I affirmed that it was indeed real and shoved my head back into the cushion. Someone yelled, so I was loud. The sight of tea gave me shivers. I rolled my eyes at someone and that sent me on another spin. The clock gyrated anti-clockwise and the previous night’s events flashed back. I wasn’t sure if it was the previous night, or a previous life. But slowly my memory drew just the right lines to make a shape, and just the right shades to make a form. It zoomed out presenting a curious picture of the boy in the orange shirt.

It must have been well past midnight because the double ass-faced bumpers living upstairs would usually have their sing-song affairs till late. I woke up with his face on my mind. I remembered sensations. Like the warm feeling when we shook hands, and my mind being blown off. My head, mind and heart, all presented different channels of sensations (magnified to the power of the largest number you can imagine). His face was beautiful. Iridescent with genius and youth. Involuntarily, I threw up on myself. But it didn’t bother me very much. I tried forming a frame with whatever scattered bits of memory I had. But like a killer Cubist painting, several multidimensional intersecting planes of occurrences flashed before my eyes. I feigned waking up with a start, just in case it worked and cleared the cloud. Neah. I surrendered and passed out.

The world seems indifferent towards me. I don’t know why I expect anything different. After all, it was just the four of us bedazzled by the boy. Or perhaps it was just me, I can’t remember. I turn on the radio. The classical shit easily becomes a part of my milieu. I strain to recall the events that led me to the state in which I am now. I know it will be futile, but I try anyway. Bored of it, I call up Mathew to shoot the breeze. He greets me with his characteristic Fuck You Bro and I know some things never change. I ask him where he is. “In my shack here, whore. Where else do you think I will be on a Sunday.” So it is a Sunday, check. Ten more minutes of our pleasant talk reveals that we were two bottles of rum down when the boy surfaced out of nowhere. A nice, genial young boy who also happened to be loaded, at Dev’s farmhouse party.

It was refreshing to have someone with all the youth flushing out of his pink skin, sit with a bunch of dreamers like us and talk about his accolades like they were mere grey stones. We exchanged silent nods of approval for the boy and were pretty damn impressed. We must have chatted on for hours. It was only when the girls arrived that we digressed. The boy had disappeared and I had wandered off.

Mathew is a nice catholic guy and doesn’t like to disrespect his girlfriend on a Sunday morning. I understand, so I hang up thanking him with my own set of epithets.

That was not just it, I know.

I go out to my little balcony to be on top of that little world I clearly made my way out of recently. I let my eyes scan the view. Clouds with a golden outline, birds, squirrels, some old pots, a clotheswire… wait! An orange shirt on the wire? I run towards it, flipping out of my wits. Dammit!

Before I know, the bats are taking their flight towards East. The dusk totally takes me by surprise. I must have sat there transfixed for god knows how long! Kishan brings a glass of hot water, and I look at him with a newfound brotherliness. I thank him for the water, and he is taken aback. He clearly doesn't appreciate it too much. He thrust forward a piece of paper in return saying- “Voh, koi ladka aya tha, diya ye.” I take a grab at it and ask him to get lost. He smiles in answer.

“I know you are puzzled. And probably will not appreciate it immediately. But get fucked or rape yourself. That is how I have lived, and it is the only right way to live man. Sorry about the beer, you figured me out. Now you have my favorite shirt. I’d not want to part with it. Address at the back of the slip. –M”

I imagine his happy shiny face saying this out aloud to me, glittery eyes looking sheepishly into mine as he fruitlessly tries to sound ahead of his age. What the fuck happened to him, I wonder. And as though it’s the first time that blood has ever run into my head, I jolt. The blackness clears out my head and I spring to my two feet.

I call Mathew to hear the whole bridge of a song he had picked up on his tour to South India. No answer. “Girlfriend!”, I hit my head. I decide against calling the rest. I lean against the railing on the left, stare into the dark and muse.

In an out of the body experience, the boy with shiny hair stole my soul. Even if it was just for a moment.

The girls had arrived, and I wasn’t quite that high. The innate nervousness pulled me out of the crowd. It was when I was poring over the fullness of the moon that he arrived with two bottles of beer. Pushing one smoothly into my hand, he flashed a perceptive grin. So what do you write about, I asked. I was genuinely curious when he had talked about his stories. “Love, life and death.. Doesn’t that sum up everything?” he proposed. He had sad eyes. Sad gleaming eyes. I didn’t agree with him, but didn’t say so. His eyes were fixed towards the sky. But he wasn’t looking into the infinity. He was looking at something that was really close. His sight kept shifting curiously and I nearly thought he was dreaming. For a moment there, it seemed that the boy had lost his poise.

When he turned to speak about his writings, he conquered me.

“Engineering was alright.. I thought writing would give me an edge, you know.. “

His casual tone had already made an impression on me. I realized that his articles had been published in a couple of monthly journals which were popular amongst my old group.

I wanted to know more about this little cherub.

“I live just down the block. Have the house, a car, a cook and a few ladies at my disposal. You should come sometime. My girls would be pleased to give you a nice rub.”

Possibly because I was under the influence, I did consider it for a moment before laughing it off.

I learnt that although a Bengali, he had spent most of his life in Punjab. A nice white bungalow was his own at the age of eighteen, when his parents moved back to the native town.

“It was a riot then! Friends and party. We lived everyday like it was the last. But I never missed school.”, he said raising a finger in defense.

I thought about the scoreless times when I have gotten out of the Bank with the will to overhaul my business ambitions. Wasn’t I just like him, once?

“When I joined IIT, I thought I would miss our tight group. How was I to know that it would be even more

explosive there?” He continued. “It was in my first year that I fell in love.” I thought he said that more to himself than to me.

“From there, bro, I shot up like a missile” He added. “Ah! The little black dresses they had.”

He spoke ferociously. “Wilde had a wise ass. A woman’s face is her work of fiction, izn’t it?” he winked. “Wah! But my college did have some. What about you? Your women?”

“I had a wife.” I had had many women in my life, of course. But whenever attacked while my guards are down, I tend of talk of her. It was my only real heartbreak.

He did not dither. “Come over. I have just the right thing for you man! You seem to be the cool type.”

“Yeah..”I said, unsure.

“I know what you are thinking. About your life, right? I tell you, think about your death. Living in its anticipation will wipe that dirt of fear off. That’s what I tell my girls too.”

I mulled over this for a while. Looking at his profile, this somehow didn’t fit.

I asked about his other friends.

“I keep flying for lectures, so my circle is pretty global. I pick the coolest bunch. We smoke up, party, have a fucking good time!” He roared. “My car is the most precious baby. Don’t worry, all my babes know that too. Y’know, there comes a point in life when all the fucking feels like fuck and you just want some time to generously space out.”

If he appeared casual about his professional success, he certainly did seem to be boisterous about his associations.

“I only stick by my East Indian girls now. They have no games. Plus, my fellows like them same. Heheh. I thought I’d bring them along, but.. y’know..I was a little worried about ..the people. Got to say, I do care. Ha!”

That was it. I wasn’t sure at first, but it seemed plain now. The smile was a cover up. The laugh was a distraction.

“Let’s party soon man. It will be a mindfucking rampage. You will soar!”

He was alone. The boy, all he wanted was a friend. He was flailing in desperation. He laughed some more and it hurt me.

“You are bluffing, aren’t you?”, I said in an eager slip.

Unblinkingly, he dropped the bottle. My heroic dive to rescue it rendered me colored with beer.

The unintended slap on the face left him silent. I did not see the boy’s face when he slapped my arm.

A yank out of the clouds, and I was flat on the ground. I could see the boy’s face now. It was all around me. I saw his lovely skin shine with a tear when he said,

“A broken heart needs this. I know you need this too.”

He smiled like a rascal.

I felt his face inching closer to mine. A supple energy was throbbing in my body, which lied limp, as my mind took travel. I had no voice. He said it was God’s, I thought he was God. Slowly my existence crept out of my skin, starting from where he had slapped on my arm, and saw the world. Saw wonderful nuances of death and the futility and emptiness of life. “This is how I feel..in my every breath”, he was saying. As I slowly lost all sense of time and space, I lost control over my body but gained complete understanding of my surroundings.

I wanted to die, and feel that way forever. I wanted to ride in his warped warren and be his friend.

I never want to feel that way, ever!

The stupid moon is still there. I back off the railing and think about how I reached back home. But my head smarts from thinking. I look at the orange shirt, but with distaste. It induced no enigma, no charm, no humor or anger anymore. He was a drug.

I sit on my bed with the note in my hand, not turning it around for the address. I push the thought of my ex-wife out of my system.

I bury my face in the cushion, and dream about flowers.

Presenting-

2011-07-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

In that cavernous murk, it could have been a reticent ghost. But you feel his breath and see his rose skin, and know he is but a form.

His shoulder bones shift sides and his alight eyes reveal themselves with command. You cannot move. You don’t want to move. There was another world in them- a mirror image of the present-, as unreal as reality, and as real as disregarded truth. You watch him lift his pupils up with a controlled force. All the worlds disappear in a blink and tranquilly he presents himself.

He tweaks a toe and you hear water. He lets some fall off his fingers as he levitates.

He is a looming flower.

***

He plucks a single sea from the sky and is abruptly transformed. He is carrying two souls and salt. The very next moment, he is a fluid torrent of fire. You witness a body of contrasts. He portrays a preview of how a pauper exercises his powers. And in a split second he blasts into himself.

He is gold.

***

You see a silhouette against red, as the drum rolls. He is the resident God.

In disguise, he attends a merchant. He sweeps the floor, and gets stale food. He burns ill habits, and receives foul words. He draws fraud riches, and gets a bitter poison. A thousand single eyes stare back at the trader before he could spot the moon on the boy’s head.

He dies, and revives as an immortal.

***

He owns himself. But if he is to be experienced, he’s your personal composition. He is ferocious, and follows a circle. He tells a million stories with his palms. It is soon clear that everything is contained in one. His ever unmoving lips are silent. But you hear him scream.

He is a path of life.

***

The light fills the platform bottom-up, he doesn’t budge. His stillness makes everything around him move. They become dust. You breathe it.

He is immobile. Yet, you are aware of what he sees -around and above him. His vision takes a trip and soaks each floating energy matter into his fiber. Then: he takes a step forward.

That is when he becomes you,

And you become the dancer.

No coffee for you

2011-06-29T02:33:00.000-07:00

It brews like amassed anger on an inflated day.

Pointed up in see-through,

the square picture with a square picture.

I, in my stupor; you, through your thoughts-

plant a lucid exchange of painted fog.

Far away, I own many a place.

Here is home.

The corners have become large hearted.

Its face is ours.

You ask yes, I agree

and forget,

and say no when you talk of smokes.

So excuse me

if I brew some coffee,

even if it’s a state of mind.

The bloody dagger

only but cuts a lemon,

because up on the hill

sweetness lay in silk.

Annie's Song

2010-01-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

I didn’t know blue could have ever looked the way it did in her eyes. I hadn’t seen a more spirited set of eyes either. She let the pallu of her handspun sari slip from her head and seemed delighted to discover that it matched the shade of her hair. Her mouth widened with joy. She was still smiling as she looked around and unearthed lovelier things -like the sequin covered butterfly on her slippers, ribbons curling out from her gifts, and (she turned left) the fancy bracelet that adorned my hand.

“That thing is marvelous!”, she exclaimed, still enchanted. Every head in the room turned towards me. I gawkily held out my hand for a display, but no one was interested anymore. She was still staring at my bracelet.

If it could be called quick thinking, I swiftly removed the bracelet and said, “You can have it, ma’am.”

She returned it with a sense of shock,“ Oh. I can’t take such a precious thing away from you, dear!”

“It’s alright, ma’am. Take it as a birthday present”. “Is it your birthday today?’ she asked mildly surprised, her blue sparklers directed towards me. Her mouth took an oval shape.

"Um, no.. I thought it was yours.." I began. I looked at Geeta, demanding for an explanation. Geeta was my genius neighbour, pursuing Mathematics from a reputed college. She had been visiting STM Old-age centre since she was twelve, and had tagged me along this time.

“Well, Mrs Annie is.. sick. Dementia.”, she whispered almost apologetically.

“Oh.” I felt a sudden spasm of pain when Mrs Annie touched my hand and handed the article back to me.

The ayah came to her and took her by hand. “Chalo, madam. You have to cut the cake now. Don’t you want your cake?”

Mrs Annie, apparently, took offense and whispered to me, “I don’t like her. She puts me in cold water and grabs me like this” She demonstrated by clutching me by my shoulder.

I realized that I wasn’t very good at dealing with situations like these. Before I could drown the moment in my series of Er-s, Geeta decided to take charge.

“Yes ma’am. She tried the bathe me too, in cold water!’

“Oh, poor darling.”

“But she won’t come near you now. Here, take my hand. You like blowing birthday candles?”

“Oh, yes. Very much.” She beamed. Then as an afterthought, she added, “Is it my birthday today?”

“Yes! Look at those presents! Aren’t they lovely?”

“Oh.” She put her hand on her chest and smiled gratifyingly.
While we sang her the birthday song, she too joined in. Finding me, a new face in the crowd, she came over and said “Happy Birthday, dear. I wish I could stay longer but my back really hurts. May I take your leave? I—”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you for coming over.”, intercepted Geeta. She turned towards me and said “I think Mrs Annie likes you.” She smiled, and left me in a state of bewilderment. This was probably the first time I was conversing with somebody as old as her. It wasn’t certainly a good feeling not to know how to act. I seated myself opposite the fish tank and began taking interest in the golden one.

The clock had moved a quarter more before Geeta announced our departure. I parted with the golden fish and got into her silver Indica. Though I kept trying to concentrate on the alt rock songs that blared out of her newly installed music system, the image of the old lady wouldn’t go away. Those eyes, I thought. There was something mystical about them. I realized that we weren’t moving very fast owing to the traffic jam, so I took the opportunity to ask Geeta about her.

“Well, her story.” She drew a long breath. “Her story isn’t very different from the rest of the twenty two living there. Abandoned by her only son, it was her lawyer who brought her here...

She used to be a well known painter and an activist. Single parent, yet happy and contented. Unlike the usual painter-lot, she was rich. A heart of gold to make her even richer. But aging wasn’t a gracious phase for her. Sickness, memory lapses; it must have been difficult. Now, although Mrs. Annie still speaks very highly of him, I don’t know what to make of a son who tries seizing his mother’s property. He managed to trick her into signing some documents which would grant him full access to her accounts. Her lawyer friend detected a foul play, and fought her case on medical grounds. She managed to retain the house, but lost everything else. On the final day, she looked at her son and said- But you could have just asked for it, beta.”

Geeta paused, and added “ She doesn’t remember all this anymore. She thinks her son’s still in the boarding. I know it’s not an apt thing to say, but sometimes I feel glad for her illness..” She broke off. It had started pouring by then, providing no respite from the traffic block ahead. Geeta gave me a gauche smile and turned up the volume of her music system.

A week after, Geeta phoned me to inform about Mrs. Annie’s demise from pneumonia. Her ayah had tried to stop her from going out in the rain, but she just wouldn’t listen. She had wanted to dance in the rain.

Later that day, we gathered at the STM to pay our respects to Mrs. Annie. Geeta sobbed incessantly. A prim-looking woman came and sat beside us.

“You knew mamma?” She asked Geeta.

“Oh. Well, yes..ah.. I’ve been visiting her…ah.. You are..?..oh, I’m sorry, but I didn’t know she had a daughter too..’’

“I..used to work at her house. Before .. all that.. happened. She was a kind lady.. Gave me whatever she had left.. asked me to use it for my education..” I could see a teardrop rolling down her face. “You know”, she added, “She even gave me her bed, because I didn’t have one for myself."

I could see Geeta's brow rise up.

"Ah! I used to come and see her initially, but she grew so sick.. I just couldn’t bear to see her like that …”

At this, Geeta screwed her face and excused herself. Before I could react, the ayah called for our attention. She wanted us to see a video Mrs Annie had recorded on the night of her birthday.

The video rolled. Mrs Annie was as animated as ever. She was singing the birthday song. There was purity in her voice and mannerism. As she started speaking, the room fell silent.

“Happy birthday, dear. I know I should be whipped for forgetting! My memory is strange. But then I saw the presents. So many presents! Beautiful ones! And that’s when I realized that it was my son’s birthday! Oh. Forgive mamma. I hope you get this on time. The wretched woman here” (pointing at the ayah) “would just not let me do anything! But I’ll sing it again for you..”
And she sang again. And again..

Unbreakable Ties.

2009-08-12T04:14:00.000-07:00

Act I

[Scene: The Wordlys’ House, decorated in a considerably primitive fashion. The living room is dimly lit with a band placed near the right hand corner of the room, performing a known caprice. There is a heavily cushioned sofa-set placed exactly at the centre of the room. Senthil Jacob, Kathy Woods and the hostess, Margaret Wordly, occupy a section of the set. The ceiling right above is adorned by a magnificent Adam style chandelier. The room is relatively empty, with most of the guests relishing in the Dance Hall.]

Senthil: A fancy place you’ve got, Mrs Wordly.

(to Kathy)

And weren’t you the one who suggested that this would be no big party?

Mrs Wordly: Blame her not, Senthil. It was just a small ‘conspiracy’, as you would call it.

(giggles)

You wouldn’t have come here had we been truthful. Alas! I’ve heard you find my parties to be grandiose. You hurt me, dear friend. You haven’t even been to one until today.

(sighs aloud)

Senthil: Ah, how rude of you to have such preconceived thoughts. Why shouldn’t you celebrate your fifteenth wedding anniversary sumptuously! The arrangement is nicely laid. Your taste expounds your elegance, Mrs Wordly.

Mrs Wordly: Oh, that’s very kind of you. And, please call me Margaret. Being married doesn’t oblige any woman to be named as her husband’s tail.

Senthil: Of course, Margaret!

Mrs. Wordly: Yes, that sounds so much better. I am sorry, but it is true what people say about me. I am an obstinate feminist, straight out of an Austen book. Ha ha!

Senthil: Women were created to refine men. What do you say, Kathy?

Kathy(blushes): If you say so.

Mrs. Wordly: So you do agree men are crude by nature?

Senthil: Aye, I think quite highly of Mr. Wordly.

Mrs. Wordly: There, now! Why do I feel like I’ve been hit on the head with an enormous hammer?

Senthil(laughs): Maybe a dance may cure you. How about a dance, Kathy?

(extends hand)

Kathy(smiles): If you say so.

Senthil: So Margaret, bring your mister and join us. I am quite eager to meet him.

[Kathy, Senthil exit. Mrs. Wordly retires to the restroom to look for her husband.]

Act Drop.

Act II

[Scene: The dance hall contains an exuberant pack of guests, frolicking around. The lively colours of the decoration help set up the ambience.]

Alexis: It’s amazing how prompt Senthil has been in make building friendship. It has not been even a year since he came into this society.

Regina: Yes, we are indeed lucky to be acquainted with him. I am so glad for Kathy. They seem to be engaged. Are they?

Alexis: Hm, I suspected too. Mrs. Wordly says he’s all praises for her. Maybe that’s why he is here today.

Regina: Really? They would surely give the Wordlys a contest. Fifteenth anniversary and they still look so fair.

Alexis: Oh, who is that in beige, to whom the maid hands a letter?

Regina(looks around): She! Delilah is her name. A very mysterious woman. Came here not so long ago, I think. Must be reputed if she’s been invited.

Alexis: Look! Senthil is coming towards us.

Senthil: Hello, ladies. Have you seen a lady named Delilah?

Alexis(points): Yes, she..

(realizes that Delilah is nowhere to be seen)

..was right there. Do you know her?

Senthil: Well.. in a way. Thanks, Miss.

[Senthil resumes his search. Meanwhile Delilah has read the letter which then accidently slips off. Mrs Wordly takes notice and places her heel over the letter. Delilah rushes away and hides behind a curtain.]

Content of the letter-

O, my sweet love.

I never thought I’d see you again.

I have tried enough, but it is impossible to erase you from my mind.

My love for you has only grown.

I am willing to forget your errors. I forgive you, my love.

Delilah(aside): Oh! I see him here, after more than a year, and.. and this is too good to be true!

Senthil(spots her and draws the curtain): Dear!

Delilah: Oh! Darling! I thought you would never want to see me again. Oh! I have missed you so much.

(sobs slightly)

Senthil: Love, where have I not looked for you!

(lifts her chin)

Why did you leave me?

Delilah: Horrible, horrible story it is. I was indebted to someone. But it was my fault. I gave precedence to my career, he made me dream and..oh.. I was distraught. I am sorry, dear. I have broken all cords with him. That is why I am here. To tell him that.

Senthil: You were with another man?

[Kathy sees them, and interrupts]

Kathy: Senthil! First you leave me alone during the dance and now.. what am I to make of this!

Senthil: Kathy, dear. It is not as it seems.

Kathy: Then do explain, for from what I gather people are expecting our engagement today!

Senthil: Oh.. no, no Kathy. You might have misread me. And others too. Oh god! I have never considered you more than a sister.

Kathy: Oh, this can’t be true. This wicked woman has brought you to this!

Senthil: Do not speak like that of my wife!

Kathy(crossly): If you say so!

[Exit Kathy]

Delilah: I am so sorry—

Senthil: I don’t want to hear another word from you. You have defeated my trust, and my love.

Delilah: Oh..oh.. don’t say that. But.. but you said you forgave me.. in your letter.

Senthil: What letter? I know nothing of it.

Delilah: Oh.. it must be him then!

[In the meantime, Mrs. Wordly calls for attention]

Mrs. Wordly(gravely): Everyone, here! I have a discovery to share with all my dear guests.

[Senthil, Delilah hold their breath. Mrs. Wordly produces the letter]

Mrs. Wordly: It hurts me to say this, but being a woman of honour I have no other choice. Today I found this letter written in my husband’s unmistakable handwriting, addressed to a young lady almost half his age.

(reiterates the contents of the letter)

Yes, Roger. You can suitably hide yourself behind some decoration, but expect not me to play along. Perhaps you forgot that every maid has her price. And yours sold out quite willingly. Friends,

(pauses)

My husband here has been blackmailing a young lady for the past one year and claims fervently to be in love with her..

..Ah! Didn’t everybody think we were the perfect couple?

I am glad the truth is out. However hideous it has turned out to be.

Well, though the house is under my name, you won’t be thrown out, Roger. Take your time. I’ll take care of the legalities.

Thank you, dear guests.. for coming here for our.. (breaks off)

Act Drop.

Traffic Signal

2009-04-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

Slow – says the yellow light.

The light blinked as an amber siren, measured but diffused amidst the neon lights. Meenu got on her feet, and so did ten others with the same mission as hers.

Stop – says the red light.

The red light flashed. Another gridlock. The road exhaled. Within seconds it was packed with all kinds of motors. The street stopped moving. Meenu entered the labyrinth, commencing her work. They were told not to waste time on the two-wheelers, so she headed towards the rikshas. A two-rupee coin was tossed at her. She caught it expertly. Then she picked the child given to her for facilitating her rounds, and advanced towards the cars. After a few futile attempts, she approached an SUV. She stretched herself up to reach the half-opened window and face its occupant. It was a garishly dressed woman with a heavy dose of pancake on her face. She could’ve been anywhere between thirty and fifty years of age.She placed her hand on the gear and equipped herself for the change of light. Meenu hurriedly tapped the window with her knuckles and raised the sightless child she was carrying. The woman had fixed her eyes on the signal light and Meenu’s act seemed to have brought no variance in her focus.

It was evening already. It would’ve been well past seven; Meenu could tell judging by the rush on the road. She glanced back to check on her brother who was leaning on a lemonade stand, beseeching. His lips moved instinctively in the tune of a popular hymn. It was the only one known to him. He wasn’t as fast as her, owing to his atrophied left leg. He met her glance and answered it with a reassuring nod.

Meenu was too tired to go for another vehicle, so she kept rocking the child and accentuating its impairment. The jam of machines shifted from the low murmur to a restive roar. She slid her hand into the vehicle and seized the woman’s arm. Infuriated, the woman gave her a slap and jerked her hand off, calling her an unrefined litter.

Go – says the green light.

The light changed to a grassy green, setting the road into action. The SUV speeded off, while Meenu made her way to the pedestal, with a hand over her red cheeks. She sat down with the child on her lap, waiting. Waiting - for another pack of buzzing automobiles with fresh hosts, for some empathy towards her and the child, for a few more jangling coins or perhaps a note or two; for the red light to stop the world and start hers.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Pendulum

2009-04-15T23:17:00.000-07:00

He was all of twelve. Raghu. He didn’t know his last name. Just as he didn’t know who his father was. His mother, Mala, was a ragpicker. Albeit illiterate, she was high on knowledge. She had witnessed the name board of a building close by jack up like a missile, and plunge into the earth on account of a 4.2 magnitude earthquake. She could tell the cement was adulterated. But she remained tight lipped. Who would have paid heed to her? She drew an analogy between her work and the evanescent mob. Both dealt with crap. Raghu always took her stance and took pride in it. Now, at the age of thirty two, she felt weary and senile, and sported an amputated leg.

Once, while pacing her way towards home, Mala fell into the hands of a couple of promiscuous gundas, who treated every uncommitted woman as their personal assets. Her resilience only enticed them further. Within minutes, there were about fifty spectators wooing and a dozen of hawaldars shrugging their icy shoulders. But what followed wasn’t something that the perpetrators had counted on. She crammed up mud from the ground and shoved it into their eyes, then leapt upon one of them, almost pinning him. Well aware that she might not come out in one piece after her nerve-wracking audacity, she unzipped him and bit his dick off. His ally got on his feet immediately, pulled her off, and virtually beat her to pulp. After a while when they saw their audience dispersing, they discarded her and drove off swearing and spitting on her.
When the message reached Raghu, he was petrified. Leaving his kid-sister, crying, with the neighbour, he rushed to the site. Raghu carried his mother home on his toy cart. A ten year old Raghu succeeded her in work.

He was the bread-earner for his mother and his sister, Pinky – who was going on four now. Meanwhile, he had befriended a girl who went to the community school. Her name was Nafisa, but he called her Guddy. Sometimes she accompanied him on his Sunday morning trips to junk yard.
“Raghu, boys from all faiths come to school. And it’s for free. Why do you prefer staying in this trash?”

“Then why aren’t you at home, like other Muslim girls?”

“Dad says if I want to change the world, I need to be educated first”

“So you’ll change the world?”

“Yes! I will become a lawyer, just like my father. And put all the criminals in jail!”

“Really? All the gundas?”

“Yes, Raghu” Picking his cue, she added, “..All of them.”

He smiled at her.
“Thanks, Guddy”

“So Mister, joining school?”

“Na na. It suits the fair-skinned only. Besides, I like it here. I get many nice things from trash, y’know.” He grinned.

“Accha? Let me have a look.”

He dug his pockets and produced few one rupee coins, a pen with refill, some interesting wrappers, and a childishly tied beaded bracelet which he held out to her.
“Here. You can keep it.”

Guddy’s mother had passed away during childbirth. Her father , Mohammad Umar, wasn’t an adherent. That is perhaps why the Ram Lal murder case could be given only to him. A Muslim bloc had allegedly raided the house of the temple help, Ram Lal, and stabbed him in the chest. Nobody stepped out of their houses till it was all over, and now there was a dearth of witnesses. He might have been a bit too coherent for his age. And maybe that is what lead the bloc to pull their guns out again. Some shuddered and cried over Umar’s corpse for a day. Next day, to justify their actions, Umar was declared as a harami. Guddy sneaked out and ran away. She took with herself only her father’s photograph and the beaded bracelet. Nobody ever found her.

Within a week, everything became normal. As if nothing had ever happened. The only one to be hauled towards that house was Raghu. In spite of his mother’s protests, he went to the police thana to enquire about Guddy. But he was received only with profanity. He summed up all his courage and went to the house of one of the members of the bloc to request him to find Guddy’s whereabouts. He played every gimmick, gave him all sorts of justification on her father’s behalf. But he was kicked out of the house and threatened to be killed if seen nearby again. Raghu came back home crying. This was the second time in her life that Mala had seen him cry. She knew it very well that it was the presence of his family and, possibly, Raghu’s age that forbade the man from shooting him.

“Your tears aren’t worth a speck, beta. Nobody can hear your pleas. The world is deaf. It’s run by a handful of powerful conniving people. Why did Lal ji have to orate about this being a Hindu land? When leaders falter, they take down the mob with them.”

“But the bloc is full of murderers! How could they kill someone for that? And another of their own faith? What kind of absurd logic do they follow? They are sinners. They all deserve to go to hell.”

“You are still young, beta. You don’t understand things.”

Another day had passed without a trace of Guddy. Helplessness was sinking in. But Raghu didn’t have the mind to lose.
He went to the Hindu union and hurled abuses at them for not safeguarding Umar or his daughter.

“..Dogs! He lost his life for you all. And you wash your hands off the issue?! You are also murderers. You are the worst lot. You bastards!..”

The people were both, surprised and enraged on seeing a twelve-year old reacting in this manner.
“We are not like that, child. Come here, we’ll explain.”, said one of them.

He was taken into a room, and beaten until they heard a crack of some bone of his. His mouth was tied and he was dumped on the river side.

By the dawn of the next day, he crawled his way to his house, only to find the bodies of his mother and sister fossilized. There was red in his eyes. He grabbed a kerosene bottle and a matchbox, and darted towards the bloc.

They were shocked to see him again, and the sudden dynamism in him. He addressed to their head and growled,

“You Muslims killed your brother and the Hindus killed their sisters. What do you make of it, sahebs? Aren’t eunuchs better than you big folks?”

Before they could take their next step, he discharged the oil on himself, held out the matchbox and hurled,

“Maybe this would light up your eyes! .. Haye!”

He struck a matchstick and bloated into a big ball of fire.

“Water! Bring water! Bhai, quick! WATER!” exclaimed the Head.

Everyone got on their feet and quenched him. He was taken to the adjoining hospital and admitted into the ICU. Within hours, the area was flocked with reporters. Police was called to look into the matter. They searched for his family, but they were unregistered. Raghu regained conscience by nightfall, and was declared out of danger with 60% burns.

**

The next day, his arrest orders were dispatched on account self-immolation and for being a public menace.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I just called to say..."

2009-01-21T23:51:00.000-08:00

It was just another day.

The sky seemed like a grey mesh- the vivacious clouds promised new beginnings, while the vicious smoke lurked in its altar with randomness that voiced derision. A red helium design traced its way down to a young boy next to him. He walked on in accord with the pedestrian-throng. There was no point in hurrying, he knew. He had planned this day scrupulously, just as he had devised every single day of his life. He would go over to his friends’ for the evening, he had decided; and hence, walked in the direction of Kirkal Vihar, House-24.
He had been given many labels – from a stiff, devouring businessman to a rat-faced-nibbling-jerk, but his card read- Rakesh Parikshit. He didn’t hold malice towards those who condemned him because he knew he was damn good, and it was their incompetence that spoke. For them, the only reminder of his possession of a heart was his long time girlfriend Reema. She had been his first crush, and he hadn’t looked at another woman since. She loved him, and he loved her for loving him.
His focus was interrupted when a sloppily dressed girl seized him for alms. It was just like any other day indeed, he mused and tipped her off with a two-rupee coin. He assumed an imaginary grin, almost wicked in nature, because yesterday he had declared to himself that today would be a momentous one. He felt as if the world was flowering and nobody, but him, had noticed…

**

‘- what?! Come again? Ask for her hand in marriage?’, exclaimed Dhruv.

He had expected it. He replied with a nod.

‘But… God! Parikshit! Do-you-realize-how-preposterous-that-sounds?

‘Well..’

‘And she agreed? She agreed, and you didn’t care to tell.. me?

‘No.. not exactly. I was hoping to surprise her.’ He smiled.

‘Wowie! You’re kidding ha? You mean to say, she hasn’t the briefest knowledge that you’re gonna ask her Dad her hand in today’s party? Is that so?’

‘That is not appropriate?’

‘Dude! You’re so fuck’d up!’

‘Oh. I see. Well, I thought it ought to be the obvious next-step. She must be expecting it too. I know it.’

‘What lead you to this Prakki? Something wrong with your job? Or are you suddenly feeing lonely? Awh. Or watching too many stupid flicks? Retard. ‘Tis what they all expect. Marrying someone like you.’

‘Huh! Stop it now.’

‘Well, picture yourself in a party, flocked with three kiddos and a wife who harasses you for not giving enough time to the Family—’

‘You don’t even know her. And kids! Not so early!’

‘No? Well Prakki boy, don’t you know what else she must be expecting?’

‘C’mon. I don’t think it is going to be all that bad.. and….I love her…’

‘Sure, you do. Just that it’ll need a peg or two for you to say that post marriage.’

‘Ah! I have made up my mind.’

‘Very well, bro.’

‘Okay.’

‘Hm… now if you don’t mind my suggestion ..’ He pointed towards the phone. ‘..call her and ask first.. Please?’

‘Oh..well..’ he said, dubiously. But it was only for a moment. ‘Alright, I can do that..’

‘Wait.’

He froze.

‘Bro.. is she.. is she the only girl you’ve ever dated?..’

‘Yes, she is.’ He confirmed, emphasizing every syllable.

-silence-

‘Hahahahaha.. carry on.. hahahaha..’

He picked up the phone and dialed her number.

‘Hi Reema…. What!... which tender?... oh, oh, yes. of course I remember. Congratulations, dear… yeah, I know.. ah, how true.. yes it’ll add charm to the party.. I am coming.. What?.. Oh. I just called to… to say…. Huh? Ha ha, I love you too. Well dear.. I wanted to ask.. if I could.. discuss with your father today.. about..about our marriage.. ……. Yes Reema. …. You knew? That’s good…I know.. Shh, why are you screaming? Well, it doesn’t have to be so soon.. I can wait y’know.. and now you’ve this new project too.. oh?.. Tour Paris? Heh heh. Yes, nice. We have time.. What? Oh. I know you are excited…’

He could see Dhruv through the window pane, sniggering.

‘… yes, it’s great.. Shh Reema, quiet. Hold it. Hey, I need some time to brace up now.. Okay.. Alright, I said. Bye now..’

He inhaled all the air he could.

‘…even I cant’t wait, dear. Bye.’

Something was tapering his windpipe. He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to go to the party anymore. He didn’t want to face her, or her dad, or Dhruv.

He reached for a bottle of whiskey, chucked the glass, and held on to the bottle.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-10-28T04:46:00.000-07:00

Conjuncture

It is not a good feeling, I concur, being a loser- a word recently added to my lexicon, a word that I considered fit only for the short-sighted youth. No, I am not some lone old humbug disparaging the generation-X, Y or Z. I’m just another one of the thousand twenty-two year olds trying to make it big, somewhere.
But contrary to their verve, a terminal exhaustion has set in me. The very fact that there are many such twenty-twos to experience, to breathe through, makes me glum.
**

“Did you get the job di?” I heard an enthusiastic voice inquiring. It was my frisky little cousin, Ria.

“Yeah. I did.”

“ Then why do you sound so dead? Party time yar!”

It is one thing sounding dead, I thought.
“Yes, darling. Weekend.”

“Yay! Can I invite my friends over? Just three-four? Please?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you! See you later, di. Sam is waiting.” and she leapt away.

I watched her, so blithe, exhilarated, extracting heavenly joy from the littlest thing, not having the liability of a younger sibling, the responsibility of running a house, or proving something.

As she disappeared through the door of my balcony, I realized that I had been sweating. The weather wasn’t humid. In fact, it was rather dry. As dry as my eyes. I felt as if I had been caught. And before I could stop, there was a colossal lump in my throat. Finally, tears surged down.

He was also like me, I now learnt. The burden of three sisters and the yoke of an alcohol-addict father. His mother, an asthma patient.
**

7.30am – We sat in the same waiting hall. He was the third candidate to enter. It was the first day of the interview at KOC & Co. All thirteen of us felt tremendously lucky to be even seated in that room. But we were well-aware of the fact that only two of us would be hired.
A click on the door-knob, and he was out. The confidence in him had not been annihilated. He maintained his perfect composure. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t envy him at that moment. His smile was slight, but more than enough.

After five hours and twenty minutes, I was called in. The Board comprised of seven members. Seated in the center was the DG.

“You’re Miss Aisha Sharma?” he asked.

“Aa..Oh…y..ya..yes, I am.”

“Hah! Not sure eh?” he sneered.

“Of course, sir.”

He looked at me with his two brown beads, frozen for a while. I shifted nervously. Then the rest of his troop took over and began their act. The act of establishing their supremacy, afflicting the interviewee, and deriving strange sadistic pleasure out of it. I exited the room, flushing, near to tears.

I skipped lunch, and instead, sat in one of the lawns of KOC & Co.; not wanting to leave the premises of my dreamland, clutching the grass, digging my nails into the sacred soil.

I have to make it here! Somehow! Anyhow!

I saw the DG reaching for his Corolla, and rushed up to him. It was my only chance left.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“Hm?..Ooo…Aren’t you Miss Aisha?” he winked.

“Yes, sir.” I said, attempting to sound confident this time.
Confident about my own name, at least. Great!

“Ah! Much better. A wee bit late though.”

“Sorry, sir. You made me nervous. I was..”

“It’s my job, dear. Now hop in.”
He directed me towards his car.

“To where, sir?”

“I’ve been watching you for the past two hours sitting there. Don’t you have the habit of taking lunch?”

I reached late that night. I had put across my proposal and sworn almost a hundred times never to let him down if he hired me. He hadn’t shown the slightest signs of reluctance. I was assured that I would be The One.

The next day we all re-emerged from our respective dwellings. I saw him, standing with the same coolness as yesterday. We were seated in the office when the Assistant to DG addressed us. The time had come.
We held our breaths as he announced the two names.

“The two people are − Palaki Pathak, and…”

I uncrossed my legs.

“..Vinay Gupta”

What!!

I couldn’t believe it. I saw him stand up with an air of haughtiness.
So HE is Vinay Gupta. Crap! And who the hell is this Palaki Pathak! Palaki Pathak? What kind of a name is Palaki Pathak?!

My eyes turned towards a ravishing lady, blushing in a red suit.

Fuck the bloody bastard!!

“Ahem! Excuse me, everybody.” the Assistant said. “There has been a huge mistake” he continued.
“Sincere apologies to Mister Vinay Gupta, but somebody seems to have tampered with the list. The seat actually goes to Miss Aisha Sharma. Error is regretted.”

His jaw crashed, and for the first time I saw his eyes flutter. The slight smile transferred into my lips, and grew into a grin. I couldn’t contain my happiness. The efforts had paid off. I was indeed The One.

I could feel the DG’s gaze fixed upon me, but I went into my new office, avoiding it.
**

So, there, now I have it, I thought. But at the cost of my chastity. I wouldn’t have regretted it. I had given my all for a Purpose. The Purpose was greater to me, than anything. I wouldn’t have regretted any of it if the newspaper hadn’t read this –

Twenty-three year old hangs himself.

Ironically, even in the passport-sized photograph, he looks as calm as ever. And I still envy him. Because, even in death he is better off than me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brother.

2008-10-10T04:37:00.000-07:00

Your moist eyes simply blink
at the emerald stretch,
as my culpable ones
diffidently shift.

Your chiseled smile exudes
shrouded consternation.
My face – tinted crimson – ,
bury in my palms.

Your hand – black, blue and red – ,
holds my unblemished one.
The other ready to
catch my secret tears.

Your nobility seems to
scoff at my cowardice.
Your frayed clothes ridicule
my ragged being.

Piercing my ears
is the booming silence,
which blares out chapters of
your courteousness.

A thousand times over,
I wished being your vestige.
And a thousand times more,
I wished you were dead.
----------------------------------------

2008-07-23T01:10:00.000-07:00

Leaving School

Embossed in its very air,
the (now) precious tomfooleries,
the endless repartee on trivialities,
and the freedom
to craft newer ways to err.

I put down a loaded bag,
leaving the old books,
to lift another equally hefty.
One that carries
the fruit of duties, deeds and discipline.

My feet, alongside the entrance
which once stood so tall,
timidly stride on a new course.
And perhaps,
would create a few of their own.

Hauled by nostalgia, I stop
and give a last parting glance
to my fourteen-year-old dwelling,
only to realize
that it had taken me in for-ever.

2008-06-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

India.
August 15, 1947.

A thorny circlet on its plucky temple,
makes the sweat go astray.
Yet it bows, gives a humble show.
Its greater dogma, at display.

Nonchalant, as it lets the thicker drip,
salutes to the esteemed one.
Bends to touch the fertility in itself,
submits to the higher canon.

A red-eye’s cries had been wasted,
deaf ears silenced the woe.
A vein was cut. Another, to resonate.
And the red did flow.

‘Twas when its heart and brain bickered,
that Trouble announced its decree.
It split. But congregated, as the ants were
marching towards the same tree.

And as the fire caught on afar,
Browns were draped in white.
One after another, nails hit the coffin,
all to its Master’s plight.

Its kite flew on a slender thread,
the wheel continued to spin.
It weaved itself into a handsome three,
and simply affirmed its win.

Burnt in the heat of a triumphant flame,
It bears a blackened hand.
Moist soil festooned by the revered ash,
Free, but fragile, it stands.

-------------------------------------------------

2008-06-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

Déjà vu ?

Argh! This is maddening! Now how the hell am I supposed to come up with something on a day’s notice! Stories aren’t cultivated in factories! Why can’t they just do what other channels are doing! Flash the latest breaking news, animate the events and there you have it!
“We are breath-takingly different” My foot!
“We bring you the REAL news” Ha ha ha!
“Stories you’ve never heard before” Now that’s so true! But HAS ANYBODY CHECKED THE TRPs??!
121 All India Engineering rank, but I wanted to ‘follow my dream’. Wish I had known that my ‘dream’ involved coming across the craziest of people, keep taking rounds of the filthiest places, get blotches of sunburns all over my skin, dig out stories after stories. And then what? They call another bimbo who runs an Exclusive Report and I see my name Pop up somewhere.. not to mention the meager amount I am paid for the fucking effort! But if I quit.. Ooo if I QUIT, I’ll be poured with a hundred..no a thousand..no a GABAZILLION.. ‘I-told-you-so’s.

“Uhm.. Mohatarma?”

Somewhat annoyed, since my chain of thoughts-ARGH! The unjust bastards! What do they think of—was disrupted, I replied in a “Huh?”. I turned around to find a man, probably in his early sixties, dressed in a sherwani with a karakul hat.

“Will you be kind enough to guide me to the Prime Minister's residence? You see, it has been quite a while since I was last here. So much has changed! I feel like a foreigner in my own city! Ya Allah!”

Prime Minister's residence!- Those few words worked like fireballs!

“Well…..it’s a long walk from here. Maybe you should take a taxi…”

“Hah! No, No.. I can do with some walking” he said, almost mocking at my suggestion.

“Er, do you have an appointment, Sir?” I asked, obviously curious.

“I don’t need one” he stated. And going by his loud expression, I could tell that he was fairly offended.

“..oh! I meant …because if you’re late then it would be better—“

“I am in no hurry. Shukriya. Khuda Hafiz.”

Now blame it on my job, but I smelt a story there. So I went ahead and said,
“Okay.. Do you mind if I join in then? I am Anita, by the way..”

“Sure! Mubashir Allahuddin” he said, finally with a smile.

“So.. you’ve been away?”

“Yes, seeing the world. Britain, France, China.. Everywhere! But our mulk has no competitors!”

“Ya…very true..”

“The air smells so nice without the British around. Ah! I have spent sooo many glorious years here.. My ancestors belonged to Shah Jahan’s court. We had royal blood in our veins. But it was all ruined. Power can make even the finest horse go wild. See what his son did. Got all the temples demolished and lost the goodwill of his Hindu subjects. Now Islam doesn’t preach that!

“Ah…the—“

“But I don’t know much about all this. The history accounts can’t be trusted y’know. Anyway, I was born in Lahore. It was the time when Gandhi came into prominence. Just see where he is now!”

“Yes! The Father of—“

“My father was always with the Congress. Attended all their conferences. Ah! He was a great man. His name was—“

“Um.. Mohammed Allahuddin?”

“Oh yes! So you know him!” he exclaimed. And rambled on and on and on.. But strangely though, it all sounded familiar His narrative…even his face now. I could almost complete his sentences. Was it a déjà vu? I couldn’t say…

“I had to leave India in 1956…”

“1956! So it has been a very long time!!”

“..amm..yes..not so long though” he said, sounding a tad confused. “But then every moment away seemed like ages!” he added with a smile.

Finally when he halted, it occurred to me that I could use his story for the next show!
Aha! Now history does sell!
There were thousands of rapturous bubbles bursting in my over-excited little head.

“Umm.. Would you liked to be interviewed, Sir? I work for MetroZone News. People would love to hear your story!”

“Well..why not!” He grinned

Halleluiah! I have a story!
I excused myself and rang to the office.

“Hell—“

“Ritu! BANG! I got it!”

“Oh you did! Whew!”

“Yes!Yes!Yes! So should I ask Mubashir ji to come over tomorrow?”

“Er, what did you say his name was?”

“Mubhashir.. Mubashir Allahuddin.”

“Hmm.. Anita.. Did you read today’s newspaper?”

“Huh? Yeah, of course I did. I have it with me right now”

“Then check out the fifth page”

“What the—Ohhh!!!!! DAMN ME!”

I rushed back to my old man, and asked,
“Sir, can you tell me the name of our Prime Minister?”

“Why… Pt.Nehru, of course! What kind of a question is that!”

Poof! See..see..SEE! We really don’t have any shortage of lunatics. What a crazy job I have! Crazy people, crazy places.. Am I going crazy now?!

And then, I took a deep breath and chanted..
I love my job…I LOVE MY JOB…I love my job…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-06-06T02:09:00.000-07:00

A Letter.

Dear Anna Veerappan,

I received your messages and I appreciate your concern very much.

I will tell you that I am totally fine here. But it is too hot here. I can not smell any relief. Ayyo, the food is like grass. I am highly missing attige’s appas! Aaan, but what to do? The whole day I have been just running and running. So I am a little tired. Actually I couldn’t find a place to take a bath. I found some pool. Good water, but the people didn’t like me there. Later I came to know that my folks over here are not very fond of bathing. If it is like this here, I wonder how the city would be. Chhe!

So, anna, is it true what I heard? That you have been challenging another state government? I am very very sad. Very sad that you didn’t wait for my return. And how come you even released Rajkumar? He is getting too much publicity. But, churukaaa, you are also all over the television! (Here almost every house has one! Silly people don’t lock their doors. You should come here! But do pack loooot of food. I am so famished.) Good, Aaan!

But, it is my fault that I disappeared. See, you must understand, I am still convalescing. You remember that bitch who kept eyeing me? We were actually secretly seeing each other. I know, I know, you must be shocked. But it was such that I could never could tell you! Not after she stole your precious stolen ivory. Tira sorry! And now she has left me. Yes! I am so miserable. I couldn’t face anybody. She went to Chambal, Tola told me.

But I’ll be okay udane. Then I’ll return to Satyamangalam. Kali stutisu!

Your faithful dog,
Naayi.

2008-05-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

UNITY

With each passing second, the pallor on his face was building up. His body was shriveled due to dehydration. He had been rocking in the water, with his upper half on a feeble wooden board, for more than three hours. But now, he was loosing his grip. Gravity was displaying its dominant force, and pulling him downwards pitilessly. His legs were growing flaccid. He knew he didn’t have much time.
That’s when he saw a boat, wandering. And in it, a man struggling to maneuver it.

Finally! I could direct him till here, and then lead us both out of this hell!
But as his luck would have it, a floating debri struck him at his midriff, throwing him off the board…

Three hours ago::
The man in the boat rose. He appeared dazed, recuperating from the shock to which he had been subjected. It had occurred so abruptly! The crash.
He recalled crying out for help. The whites had ruthlessly thrown him out of their life-boat and had sailed their way to the rescue-team, leaving him lone and unconscious on a similar boat.
He wiped the blood off his forehead, exposing the injury on his painted skin; and stared at the vast sea, bedecked by the shipwreck. He placed his hands on some regulator and pulled a string. But only more water gushed in.

How, in the world, is this thing operated!
He played with some gear, and sent the boat on an aimless path.

After hours of driving around without any sense of direction, he gave up. Tensed and overwrought, he looked around.

Ain’t there nobody in here?!
His weary eyes inspected the scene and soon spotted a movement!

Hope ‘ts some fella’ to run this damn boat!

He fixed his gaze at that point, and it didn’t take him long to concur that it was a man’s hand. But he froze. The hand was a white one! And that was all he saw. He became deaf to the man’s howl, and blind to the fact that the person could have been a potential rescuer. All that he saw was a “white” bleeding arm, and a “white” shuddering fist.

‘ey there! Row it! Towards here! Towards here!’
‘.m….going down….it fast…row it…here….!!!’
‘C’mon!!..i…long….cant!.....fast!’
The board had sunk, and with his legs completely limp by now, he was scarcely able to keep his nose and mouth above water. He flew his hands in air and called out to the man in the boat for help.

White! I ain’t gonna save a white! Huh.
He turned away and, in order to gain momentum, pulled the string so hard that it came off to his hands. This time, the water surged in with a startling velocity. He faltered, and the boat flipped.
His cries were swallowed by the saline poison. And as he drowned, he saw the white hand fall down and then float. He too, in no time, was gulped down; and lost his life as a vengeance to the universal humanly inhumanness.

The fear of death, which sheds all barricades, failed to peel off their skins. But it united their spirits. Black and white amalgamated and rested in the only divine azure of both the worlds.

2008-05-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

The Silhouette

Attached to the city’s cathedral was a missionary house which, by the looks of it, manifested nothing less than a palace. As the dusk arrived, the weather outside was growing sullen, quite in accordance with Kamala’s disposition. All the lamps were out, save the ones on the staircases.
Mother Rosemary vigilantly stepped into one of the rooms, holding fast to her lantern.

‘How is she now, Sister?’ she asked addressing Sr. Joyce in her customary poised tone.

‘I just now only returned out of her room, Mother. I am very much worried about her, and also double worried for her child. Until yesterday was she crying and crying, but today she has not expressed a word!’ came the answer, in a thick Keralite accent.
‘She refuses to talk to me also!’ she added, sounding fairly hurt.

‘Well her state of mind is such. We must understand. Poor girl!’

‘Even I am seeing the situation, Mother. But she is not even wanting to have a look at her child! That delightful baby! He is not deserving this!’

‘Sister, she is just a young lady herself and has suffered a lot. It is now our duty to take care of her child, just as we did while adopting her.’

‘Oh! How can a mother not bother to give a glance to her baby? I can not abide with such irrational behaviors! Already she has done enough damage and now she will—’

‘Hush!! You mustn’t speak like that! You very well know it wasn’t her fault.’

‘But she shouldn’t have gone there at such a late hour.’

‘How was she to know? She trusted him. We all did. So we let him stay…..’

It had started drizzling by then. Kamala gingerly moved across the hall. Without a source to guide her, she tripped a couple of times before reaching the terrace.
Then, there she stood. Alone and drenched. Drenched in the drops that brought down all the smog and burnt her very being. And it came back to her.., all of it. The sweet talk, the offering, the touch, and his face. That friendly old face. One that was never seen again, after that night.

Ah! Finally it is out. Now I’m free!

She had expected to be treated with empathy, but the condemnation which she received had accelerated her emotions to such a height that every impudent word uttered would exaggerate in her mind and burst!
Her eyes flared up, and she let out a scream. Only, it was mute.
She looked at the sky with eyes filled with terrorizing revulsion, as the rain continued to pour. Her mind was like a broken mirror, all the pieces reflecting the same design. A one-way escapade.

I’m free now. They can’t stop me.

The rain ceased, and silence clouded over. She stood at the brink, motionless, till she couldn’t endure the clamor of her own overflowing thoughts. She stood there, staring into the nothingness above, demanding an answer. And she moved forward.
A sudden bolt, and the silence was disturbed. She withdrew her step.

Huh! I can’t even do this, she cursed herself.

Overwhelmed, she decided to retrace her steps and headed back to her room.
On finding the door to the Prayer Room ajar, she went in. Even though she couldn’t see a thing, her hands were clasped in hopelessness and knees bent in submission.
And she cried. She cried like never before. She cried till she fell off the____.
Then she rose, took a deep breath collecting all the frustration that had accumulated, and exhaled. All of a sudden, something strange occurred. It was out of the ordinary. A beam of soft mystical light filled the room, to form a figure in silhouette. A familiar image of a woman holding her child to her heart.

What is this supposed to mean?
Petrified and bewildered, she gave out a shriek!

Mother Rosemary and Sr. Joyce rushed into the Prayer Room with their lanterns, only to find Kamala sitting in a prayer-position. Her dry eyes closed, and shivering lips chanting the same prayer, over and over and over.

“Hail holy Queen, Mother of Mercy. Hail our life, our sweetness and our hope. To you do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To you do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping; in this wail of tears. Turn thy most gracious eyes toward us. And after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb- Jesus. O, clement. O, loving. O, sweet Virgin Mary."

Amen.

The glim was doused.
------------------------------------------**-----------------------------------------

2008-05-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

Obtuse

The quill occupies
a quivering hand,
animates my thoughts.
Justice not done.

A distended heart cries,
to you it sounds
like another sound,.
The melancholy, unheard.

Each time you slip,
off your contour,
I blush.
A weakness disclosed.

Memories, soured
by stipulations,
You struggle to forget,
Wounds re-exposed.

For the unattainable,
I try,
And never tire,
Perseverance assessed.

My pain, never shared,
scrutinized by
your reproachful eyes,
Condolence missed!

Day by day,
I age.
The dead parts wither.
I wait.

Wait for the tears to taste sweet.
-----------------------------------------------------------

2008-04-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

Life. Some people would die to have a full piece of this delicious cake, while others might rather die than have to take another bitter bite! And as it turns out… most people loathe their own lives, willingly putting the weight on our dear Lady Luck’s tender shoulders. But they crave for the life that others show off with much pride. Perhaps, we all do. When the curtain falls, others’ applaud… but what remains overlooked is the backstage drama..! What appears true to the naked eye may be just as virtual as a mirage. Eventually, the illusions will dissolve. More often, the truth remains unnoticed, for it’s more convenient to ignore its brutality. And then slowly, the blatant lies… when so often told, with so much confidence,….becomes a loyal companion. Yes,.. the world is graying. No doubt. One day, nature will have its way. This will end. But now, man’s growing... and gradually turning into a gruesome monster. Man has captured the land, the seas,… even the moon!.. He has grown tall, by stooping towards hell! He has achieved greatness. Supremeness. But as they say, ‘it’s very lonely up there at the top….’. So he will fall… he is bound to. And the greater the height he reaches, the more it’s going to hurt. People wriggle.. Wriggle to survive.. to breathe free. Vanity has filled our brains. Such is the sense of self-importance that we fail to see where we actually stand. Take a look at the Globe. No, you can’t spot yourself on it. You are small. I am small. We are nothing but mere creatures who have been bequeathed power.. Power to make a difference.. to save this dying world. This short life that we have been blessed with is not to be spent whining about the unattainable. To want to conquer the whole world with a penny in your pocket is idiocy! But that doesn’t imply that we shouldn’t dream. Dream. Dream big! Be humble. Know your soil. Bow before the Almighty. Pray. Live. Live for the ones seeking for an Angel. Live for your loved ones. More importantly, live for yourself!! During the trying days, weep. Cry over the mistakes you made. Then rectify them. Help others’ lives blossom. Believe in yourself. Then cling on to the hope to stand out…someday!!! ‘Coz in the words of P.B.Shelley, ‘If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?’. àNEETHI {Goldhawk!}